For the first time since that night when I spoke to him. Stuff this whole Grey crap. You guys all know his name is Ash. I need to get over him.
It's just... really degrading actually.
He's lost loads of weight recently, and he's looking good... so now he has chicks hanging off of him left right and center. Typically so, I went and told him how I felt when all of the chicks started hanging off of him. I didn't stand a chance regardless, but none-the-less. Now I've been dumped in the category of 'one of those superficial chicks' and now that I've told him a second time, he's really uncomfortable around me. Almost like I'm stalking him or something cos I didn't take no when he first told me. Thing is, I'm not one of those superficial girls who started liking him when he started taking better care of himself. No. And now that this has all happened, he has one of the most over-inflated egos I've ever encountered. :(
The truth is. I've had feelings for Ash now, for over 2 years. But I can't tell him that now can I? That would just creep him out even more...
This has been eating me for a while now... but... I can't do anything. I've been refusing to cry... Lucky Addie. One of my friends. She can't cry... I guess it's not so lucky... but I cry and express myself too much. Addie has told me before that she's jealous of me for it. But I'm jealous of her.
Her life hasn't been too peachy lately. Recently she sent me an e-mail. Saying something along the lines of "for what it's worth. I cried tonight. Well for me anyway, but it didn't make me feel any better. It was kind of like one of those pathetic cries a kid makes... howling. no tears. just howling. thats all I could do."
Well Ad. Guess what? Thats all I could do last night.
And I feel terrible. Really, I feel sick. I mean... I can't help it I have feelings for him. Especially with what I had sworn to myself after the whole "Jethro" thing.
I'll never fall again.
Typical I had to fall for someone who made me feel even worse...
p.s. x-posted to manas_lover and weareloveplzxd